Let’s be honest. We all have that one (male) friend who – when it comes to football – doesn’t know sh*t (pardon my French). While everybody else knows all about various teams and players – for example how often Portugal has won the World Cup already (never) or how much Cristiano Ronaldo earns (too much) -, this person knows less than Jon Snow. Maybe this person knows that you are not supposed to use your hands – after all, it’s called football, not handball – but other than that, this friend of yours is absolutely clueless about the finer aspects of the game. Watching football games with friends like these can be rather dull – they don’t know who’s who and whom they should root for, which means that you have to explain everything to them. Fortunately, I don’t have such a friend. Because I am that friend.

Portugal vs Spain

The only thing that I know is that Portugal vs Spain, which will take place tomorrow, is going to be one of the best and most unpredictable games. At least I think it will be. For me, those two countries are simply great football nations. The only other thing I know about that particular game is that Cristiano Ronaldo is going to play. Don’t laugh at me. Seriously, he is the only player I know by name, other than Messi, Griezman, and some of the German players. How come he’s one of the few players whom I am aware of? You might think it’s because he is a great football player, but you’d be wrong. I have no clue if he is better than, say, Messi. Rather, it’s because of his chiseled abs. Come on, be honest, who wouldn’t like to have such a six pack? #mencrushthursday

I just checked both teams’ players and realized I am familiar with two more names: Pepe (obvi) and Silva. But I don’t know which Silva. There are three Silvas on the Portuguese team and one Silva on the Spanish team – plus there is a Silva on the Brazilian team. Oh… there are also two Pepes. Pepe Reina on the Spanish team and PEPE (apparently he has no last name) on the Portuguese team. If you ignore for a moment the fact that in Portugal and Spain they all have the same names (I’m sorry for stereotyping here – desculpe / disculpe. See? Even the words for I’m sorry are almost the same), there is still another weird thing. How come so many of them have only one name? Just look at the Brazilian team. Marcelo, Danilo, Neymar, Fernandinho, Fred, Tite. But I shouldn’t complain – that makes it easier for me to remember their names. After all, Pepe is easier to remember than his actual name Képler Laveran Lima Ferreira. Say that three times fast.

If I had to bet, my money would be on Spain (sorry CR7) – for two reasons: Firstly, in contrast to Portugal, Spain has already won the World Cup once, back in 2010 in South Africa. Secondly, I have already lived in Spain for some time and hablo un poquito de español (in the gif below you can see my Spanish skills). So my Spanish friends would be disappointed if I rooted for Portugal.
But then again, Spain’s national coach has just been fired and replaced – which is probably not the best thing to happen to a team so shortly before a huge tournament.

Of course, Portugal vs Spain is not the only interesting game. However, keeping track of all the games (64 games in total on 25 different days) can be very hard. If you want to be up-to-date when it comes to all the games in the next few weeks, check out our latest Butleroy feature, specifically developed for the FIFA World Cup 2018.

I want my personal (World Cup) butler